Forgiveness...The Raw Truth
In the about me section of the website, I mentioned my journey and struggle with forgiving people that have wronged me. In my mind I thought forgiveness was only given to the wrongdoer so they could have their peace /closure for the wrongful actions they took. Because of that, I dug the feeling to forgive others so deep that it made it harder for me to find where I placed it. See I had it figured out that I was in control and remained on top because I didn't forgive people for their actions. That was honestly the worst thing I could have done but it was never explained to me how to truly address it or the truly value behind it. The frustration and anger that was caused created resentment and was starting to change my character. It put me in a position where trust was harder to give out, opening up to other people/family was struggle and just being myself around strangers just didn't feel right. I started sitting in my shit and realized I wasn't in control, I wasn't on top in fact....I lost. Truth was while I was sitting in my situation, I started looking at the people that hurt me. They were fine lol Truly fine. Not a care in the world. They were out there dating, traveling, making new memories and new friends etc. They didn't care on how it impacted me at all. Not saying they would but the reality was...they didn't care. That was my reality check! At that point, is when I put myself on top and was for the first time in the right position. I went through everything they did, realized how it changed me. I had to take accountability for where I was. See the hard pill to swallow, was I allowed myself to stay in that funk because I thought it was going to change them by watching how I changed. The truth was...they never checked for me. That feeling of anger and resentment I harbored had to end and I vowed to put in the work to resolve it ASAP. I put the work in by figuring out who I was and wanted to be. Wrote down what I didn't like and how I can change it. Then it hit me... I had to forgive them. It didn't matter what they did to me. It only mattered how it changed me, how important I am to myself and my self worth. They weren't worth my demise and nor did they care. So at that point, it made it easier to change and to forgive. This was the start of me changing my narrative.... "Forgiveness isn't for them...It's for YOU"